Hello. I still love you. Please take me back.
Would've been my initial reaction if I met you a few years ago. But now that I'm "mature" enough to realize how stupid that would be, I would just smile at you and hug you and tell you that you've grown so much hair in the past years that I didn't recognize you at all. But I'd tell you too that your smile hasn't changed. It's still contagious, with all your teeth showing and and your dimples creating perfect bookends. There are still tiny wrinkles in your eyes and your nostrils flare up a little, as if it's smiling on its own. It's still the goofy smile that caught my attention the first time I saw you. I would've told you my heart melted into little droplets of infatuation, but again, maturity. Duh. So I just let your smile simmer for a while, before we start the awkward small talk that would last for a few minutes until we become comfortable again.
I will NEVER tell you how you've grown so beautifully because it would be stating the obvious. I would just tease you that almost everyone who passes by would take their time appreciating your physique. I will NEVER tell you how it still hurts, those pinches of jealousy whenever someone also gets to have a piece of your beauty. Not that it still depresses me. I just feel like being selfish now that we're in the same space again, breathing the same air.
We will trade stories that will branch out to other topics. I'd tell you that our conversations are still so random, it's like we never run out of things to say. We'd still correct each other's grammar/pronunciation lapses, because that's one thing we will never outgrow, I think.
As much as I want to talk about "what happened to us", I'd try my best to skirt around the topic and avoid any subject that might lead to that. I wouldn't want to ruin our moment. Our moment that I have been longing to have for so many years now. So I would feel content with whatever we talk about.
The day would end and we will say goodbye again. I'd tell you that at least this goodbye would not be our last. This goodbye has evolved from the one that shuts the door to the one that leaves the door slightly open and is always welcome to accept me again. I will hug you, tighter this time, and whisper, "Thank you for being my life's fulcrum." You'd laugh at the physics metaphor and gently scratch my nape like you used to. My infatuation droplets evaporate into love clouds as you do this.
We part ways and wave goodbye, you giving off that goofy smile again, and me trying to hide the tears.
(Me on answering the question, "What would you tell the one who got away if you met them today?")
This post is referring to this boy who I had a thing with when I was still in Uni. It was an instant connection and we would talk for hours every day. There was a point when he confessed that he’s alreay committed but they’re having problems. At first I was furious but then eventually, as lovestruck that I was, I gave in and still continued the flirting. I was already falling for him so hard, esp when he told me that he finally broke up with his partner. But then a few weeks passed and he began to ghost. And then just completely faded out. I was devastated but I moved on. Years passed and we were able to reconnect. Interesting coz I still felt the spark and there was still some flirting happening. But then he told me he’s in a relationship and good thing I didnt fall for that trap this time. But there was still a sting. So i stopped messaging him completely after that. Now I’m just a constant liker in his social media feed, appreciating him from afar.