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  • Writer's pictureOur Love Quest

Love is the convergence of presence & gratitude

Jayson was one of my very first teachers for coaching. We have known each other for 3 years now. Despite the distance (Canada & Singapore) & busy schedule, we already make an effort to catch up every time Jayson visits Singapore. 2 years ago, his book "52 people" came up in one of our catch-ups. Apparently, he did talk a bit about that during the coaching training and I was just too occupied with all the coaching concepts and forgot about it. I went ahead buying the book. June 2016, the break-up which happened a year ago finally hit me. I got really upset and angry. This was something new to me as it wasn't my usual self. I am always happy and cheerful. I decided to do something about it including seeking for help from a therapist. I went on a solo trip to Bali and brought this book along. One morning, I had to stay in due to unwell feeling, I spent 3 hours reflecting on these 11 questions from the book in one go. After coming back, during my session with the therapist, he asked me about my break-up. I immediately told him that I just reflected on this during my Bali trip and read it for him. I barely made it to half of the page as I cried like a baby. Somehow it felt really good to cry, to let it out there. I learned that crying is not necessarily a bad thing, in fact, quite crucial for our well-being. I continued sharing with some friends about this wonderful book and the concept behind it (having deep conversation with total stranger, every week for a year, asking them 11 deep questions instead of usual small talks!) Fast forward, as I just started my journey on my leader quest with, I couldn't wait to share it with Jayson when we met late last year. I even wore a T-shirt with the definition of Love on it. I was so excited! As we were queuing up for the breakfast, Jayson just casually said "Vu, I am not sure if I told you this, I am in the process of getting divorce!". I was speechless and didn't really know how to react to this. I was debating big time in my head that whether I still should share with him about given his circumstances. As I heard his sharing on the painful experiences that led to the divorce, I had tears in my eyes and at the same time a strong urge to tell him about it. I made up my mind to tell him about my leader quest and why I believe so much in He then gave me one of the most beautiful and powerful definition & advice on love.

"Love is the convergence of presence & gratitude, the void of expectations. As so often, we always have expectations of what & how our partner should be. They should be smarter, funnier, thinner, faster, slower, more soft-spoken, less extrovert, care more for us etc. and the list can go on forever. Because of all of these expectations, we forget to be present and realize that the most amazing human being right in front of us." He continued. "Everyone needs to relearn love every day because of the evolution of our relationship, people change and due to other external factors. It's really daunting and hard and necessary at the same time. I feel inspired to relearn love again. Thank you." I left the cafe and felt so joyful. I couldn't stop smiling as despite the setback and painful experiences, Jayson still has something that no one can take it away from him - Hope. He still believes in love. I wish you all the best Jayson and I know your big heart will be healed and soon it will radiate the immense love to the one that deserves it. Till then, keep loving, my friend.

Fun fact: I only learned that his book "52 people" was actually his leader quest during his Leadership Program during this catch-up. I had to admit that did get some inspiration from the "52 people" book and it is also my leader quest. And now it got to inspire him. Full circle or synchronicity, whichever you want to call it!

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